A glimpse into Philip Ullmans yesterday, today, tomorrow

A glimpse into Philip Ullmans yesterday, today, tomorrow

Sofia Jonsson12/01/2021

Longing for new encounters and disruptions of the continuous navel-gazing isolation, Kobolts Sofia Jonsson invites you to glimpse into artists current thoughts and everyday life, by asking three simple questions:

What did you do yesterday? 
When I was a little kid… I was in kindergarten... I must have been...4 years old? There was this girl… we were in the same class or group or whatever… We hung out a lot. I can’t remember where we met but all of sudden we were just always together. Everything she experienced, I experienced. I remember exploring each other's bodies. She had this birthmark on her eyelid. It was so strange to have a body at that age... This one afternoon, we were for some reason lying underneath a couch or a bed in the daycare… and no one could see us. We could see the feet of the other people in the room… and we could hear them. But no one could see us…We were laying there, giggling, looking at each other. Listening to what was happening around us… at one point, I remember our parents came into the room. I guess it was the end of the day and they were picking us up… we were listening to their voices as they were looking for us, asking the teacher if they had seen us. No one knew where we were… I was a bit nervous but she was so confident, saying we should never come out...she never cared what other people thought, she was so free, I remember I wished I could be like her…Sometimes when we were hanging out we would laugh so much that it was impossible to stop. It’s like we got stuck in a loop. We would laugh til we started crying. Then we would just look at each other, not really knowing what was happening. Haha. It’s like we created a space of our own in laughter and we couldn’t break out. We couldn’t get in contact with the outside world…As we were laying there, listening and giggling… she slowly neared my face, as she was smiling. We got really close to each other… and then from nowhere, she kissed me. It was my first kiss… I didn't understand what had happened. But it made me giggle also. I guess we started giggling pretty loud, because eventually my mom found us. I went out from underneath the couch as my mom was yelling at me asking me why i was hiding and that we were late home for dinner now, but i couldn’t stop giggling. I was giggling all the way home in the car...

What are you doing today?
I had just come out of work… I was walking down the street...my phone rang. I wasn’t expecting anyone… It was my dad. He sounded weird. It sounded like he had to catch his breath for some reason. But he didn’t say much. I asked what was up and he said that my uncle was dying… it was quiet on the phone. None of us knew what to say. Me and my uncle hadn’t been very close, but we had always gotten along well...I didn’t see him so often, but when I saw him it made me happy, and it was as if we would catch up where we left off last time… no matter how long time had passed… He was a great listener, and we would always understand me. Maybe more than what I did myself...I asked if my dad was at their house… He said yes, and I asked to speak to my uncle. I heard the phone moving. All of a sudden it was quiet again as if the phone had arrived at its location. I asked if anyone was there, with no reply. But I felt his presence. I told him I loved him. That I would always love him. And that we’d meet soon again. It was quiet. My uncle was quiet. Even before the disease he was quiet. After a minute, I heard the phone moving again. It was my dad. He said what I'd said was beautiful, that he loved me and that he would call me back in the evening. I hung up, and I… I just… kept walking...Thinking… thinking that I’d seen him a couple days before, that he had looked very weak and skinny and that he couldn’t talk anymore. I was mainly sad for my dad, that he had lost his brother, and my cousins who had lost their dad. Although, for them, who had lived with this disease for so long, it was finally over. As I continued walking I put on my headphones. This song called Paradise was playing…

What will you do tomorrow?
When I was older...I had been living in a retirement home for a couple years… I used to live by myself but eventually my memory became worse and I had difficulty doing things around the house. I would forget simple things that would become bigger things because I forgot them…. One day… my daughter and my grandchild came and visited me… I was never very close to my daughter, and when my partner died our relationship more or less ended… when my granddaughter was young she and I were pretty close though… I took care of her a lot, and we had a lot of fun together… I would teach her things and she would teach me things… She was so smart and so caring as a child...  but that was a long time ago... At the retirement home I would often disappear in my thoughts... when my daughter and granddaughter came into my room that day I was totally away in my thoughts, so I didn’t really realize they were there... After a while when they started talking to me I realized they were there… At that time I had a hard time separating the grandchildren, so I would often say their names wrong... They were always very sweet to me though, very understanding… While my daughter was talking, something happened... During only a couple seconds, this strange feeling came over me. It felt like all the walls in the room closed in on me. It wasn’t something I saw with my eyes, but I felt it in my body. It was very quick, as if the walls came closer and touched me and I jumped in my bed. It only lasted for a couple seconds, and then the feeling was gone...My daughter didn’t react at all... She talked about her week throughout the experience, and didn’t even realize I jumped in my bed. But my granddaughter reacted... She jumped in her seat as well, and afterwards we looked at each other for a long time without saying anything... It seemed as if we both realized that something had happened, and only the two of us had felt it… But it felt too strange to talk about it… What would I have said? My daughter spoke a bit more, and I replied to a couple of her questions and then they left. To this day, I have no idea what this experience was, and I never experienced it again. It was so scary, beautiful and confusing. I wonder if other people have experienced this also...